Friday, July 22, 2011

(two months)
All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed.
You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling!
Think about it a while. The end ain't that bad.
This is a call it ain't mine not at all
And the world can sit tight and alright
Taking your time and get right back online
It depends it depends and it comes back again
Yes things that everybody would say
Believing is hard
Believing is art
Things everybody should know
The end will come slow

And He'll break your heart.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Concordance: Of Things to Come (incomplete)

Belief wears a coat of punches in the morning,
beginning each day
with unconscious reverie.

I keep my head uptight
I make my plans at night
And I don’t sleep I don’t sleep I don’t sleep ’til it’s light
Something’s flowing, someone buried alive
There is an awful sound
This haunted town
And it will not it will not it will not just be quiet
Some ghosts sing, someone gets called to the life
Spend boring hours in the office tower
In a bus on a bus back home to you and
That’s fine I was barely alive
It’s just a matter of time
No one gets out alive
And I’m content I’m content I’m content to be quiet
It’s only six, someone gets called to the life.

I love this rainy weather;
it fills up my hollow bones just right. 
I love this rainy weather;
the dripping sings me to sleep when I can't sleep at night.
I love this rainy weather;
it fills up my hollow bones just right.
I love this rainy weather;
I wish I could cry the way I see God cry...
I love this rainy weather, 
it reminds me of being younger, back when I didn't worry...
But I worry more than ever now, 
(and I can't stop pacing these hallways...)
I love this rainy weather, 
it reminds me of so many beautiful memories, 
and just like you said to me, "The times that I cry 
are the times that I feel the most. 
So if I find another secret to hide, you will never know.
it reminds me of being a kid when I would trust without question
and aren't there so many questions?
Why are there so many questions?

why I
I feel
live my thoughts are misguided and a little naïve
I twitch and I salivate, like with (myxomatosis)

“So tell me, since it makes no factual difference to you and you can’t prove the question either way, which story do you prefer? Which is the better story, the story with the animals or the story without the animals?”

This is how it is:
I’m alone.
Bars surround me. Prison guards bind my arms, bring me pills several times a day. They ask me – beg me – to tell them the truth.
I am.
Every single word.
They don’t believe in my wolves.

Quick, tear your kingdom down, you’ve built it on another’s field
He is a ruthless man, He’ll let you build before He steals
You will never know you weren’t a king until your limbs are firmly fastened in your chains.

The end of your aching life,
We're slipping under the knife,
It's never gonna hold us,
Tear us apart when you tear us apart tonight.
The end of your aching life.
They'll straighten your crooked spine up.
And the Devil's gonna tear us apart.
The Father's gonna tear us apart.
And our love is gonna hold you tight before it tears us apart tonight.
(The Slender Man The Operator The Terrible Trivium The Hollower The Tiger in the Lifeboat Edward James Tyler Durden Myxomatosis The Monster at the End of This Book)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Of things Present

Reality is a story the mind tells itself. An artificial structure conjured into being by the calcium ion exchange of a million synaptic firings. A truth so strange it can only be lied into existence. And our minds can lie. Never doubt it...
(No, I...I can't - )
Zampano knew from the get go that what's real or not real doesn't matter here. The consequences are the same.
I'm caught in it, must run and hide from it, but I still can't move. In fact, the more I try to escape, the less I can breathe. The more I try to hold on, the less I can focus. Something's leaving me. Parts of me.
Everything falls apart.
Stories heard but not recalled. (consequences)
Letters too.
Words filling my head. Fragmenting like artillery shells. Shrapnel, like syllables, flying everywhere. Terrible syllables. Sharp. Cracked. Traveling at murderous speed. Tearing through it all in a very, very bad perhaps even irreparable way. (words. noneofthemaremineandyettheyallaremine)
He returns the next night, crawling back, bleeding to death, claw marks on his back. With his last breath he says - 
"Mr. Patel, a tiger is an incredibly dangerous wild animal. How could you survive in a lifeboat with one? It's -"
'Within the Jungle lives a Tiger, who is twelve feet long, obsidian claws, and has fire in its eyes...but it is just a Tiger and it bleeds.'
"In a lifeboat? Come on, Mr. Patel, it's just too hard to believe!"
After that he dies. 
"And you expect to find a tiger in a Mexican jungle! It's laughable, just plain laughable. Ha! Ha! Ha!"
Oh, it's still scary and they take precautions from the huge Tiger...
"We just don't believe there was a tiger living in your lifeboat."
...but it's just a Tiger.

I didn't know words could be so heavy.
Eventually I manage to speak again. "Am I real?"
He barely even thinks about it. He doesn't need to. "Look in the folder. At the end. See it?"
In large scrawled letters on the blank side of a beer coaster, it's written. His answer is written there in black ink. It says, Of course you're real - like any thought or any story. It's real when you're in it.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Concordance: Of Things Past

The other day, I followed you home.
I thought to know would make me feel less alone.
So I've seen the skies and felt the hurt
And I am still here.
And I'm not going anywhere

'Cause I have seen Him
Through your eyes.
I have felt the rage
Build up inside.
And I'm sick of being a friend.
I'm sick of being nothin'.
But I don't want to be your love...
Make me your Angel

No one knows what I know.
No one's seen the tears from your soul.
And I feel like I am nothin', and I feel as though I've let you down.
And I can't do anything
but stare.
and I want you to follow your dreams
and keep on trying, hard as it may seem.
And I know it's been hard, and i know giving up seems so easy. (It's easy to lose your grip.)
But I'll always be here right by your side.

I'll do what I can to be a confident wreck
Can't feel this way forever, I mean
There wasnt any way for anyone to settle in
you made a slow disaster out of me.
there's a Radiant Darkness upon us
But i don't want you to worry
 iwas careful but nothing is harmless
you better hurry
You were a kindness when I was a stranger
but I wouldn't ask for what i didn't need
Everything's weird and we're always in danger.
why would you shatter somebody like me? (you're all just kisses and silver and I'm christonthecedarattisonthepineodinontheworldash)
it doesn't work that way.
wanting not to want it wont make it so
it doesn't work that way

don't leave me here alone